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Movies That Could Never Be Remade Today: The Sequel


Hello everybody, newcomers and seasoned Inky Buds, back by unpopular demand (and lots of good reactions to the first installment) I give you the sequel of 'Movies That Are Like Milk...They Didn't Age Well...' but this time, it has a title change. The reactions to the first article were mixed, mainly positive, but there were a couple of people who thought I was just another Gen Zer crying about a movie that happened 20 years ago. But if you've read it, you'll know that I wrote that we SHOULDN'T complain about the past too much. (Maybe they'd know that if they'd actually read the article...😊)

In fact, I wrote: 'We're in the, as I like to call, 'Era of Cancelling' so it's not surprise that some people are going after these movies. I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes we should honor the past, we can look back, but we can't just live our lives crying about things people made in the past that don't fit our standards today. Let us learn from it and not make those mistakes for a better future. '

'The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.' - Socrates

But anyways, I just wanted to clear that up. No, I am not complaining about how bad these movies are, how sexist, racist, or homophobic they might be, they are an example of societal growth and change. It's people realizing: 'Hey! Maybe this is actually kind of hurtful. Or hey, this kind of isn't cool!'

Do you understand what I am trying to convey here?

Well with all that away, let's continue the saga.

(There is going to be racist, homophobic, and sexist movies on this list, reader's discretion is advised if you aren't comfortable with all this.)


Breakfast at Tiffany's: I Love This Movie, But One Character Would Probably Leave You With a Bitter After Taste....

I don't know about you all, but I love Audrey Hepburn. She is so iconic, she had such a wonderful presence on the silver screen, and I don't mean to brag, but I own a Barbie doll of Audrey Hepburn in that beautiful dress from My Fair Lady. This one!

The point being I love her movies and her acting. I have nothing but love for the film, which follows our heroine the now infamous Holly GoLightly (A.K.A, Lula Mae Barnes.) She is a flighty woman who gets in a bit of trouble. Like getting arrested for involvement in a drug ring or running away from her husband. (Who she married when she was 14.) Well, this section is not about the lady herself, or her love interest, it's about her landlord. The man who was barely there, Mr. Yunioshi, who was played by Mickey Rooney. Mr. Yunioshi is a Japanese man, but the portrayal of the Japanese man is the problem. It's not going to be a movie from the 20th century without at least a little bit of racism/sexism/homophobia in it.


Mickey Rooney was white, so this is 'yellow face.' The character has outrageously accentuated buck teeth, and an overall stereotypical performance straight out of a WWII political cartoon. It can be seen as quite offensive, which I doubt would slide by today's standard. But even then, we need more originality, I'm just waiting for the 'Era of Recycling' to end...


White Chicks: An Easy Watch, But It Would Be Chewed Up and Spit Out By Today's Society.


This film was outrageous! It was funny, but oh my goodness, the scrutiny it would face today would be insane, heck, it does face problems today. The movie follows two detectives who go undercover as two socialite daughters of a hotel CEO, who might be the next targets of high-profile kidnappings. The main thing is that the cops, shown in the FBI image are obviously Black men, have to pose as white women. They get into all sorts of antics and it's kind of funny. It has a bit of everything, like action, comedy, and marital problems with one of the detectives. But could it be remade today?

Oh goodness gracious, that would be a death sentence...

There are also instances of men being creeps, like debating which woman they'd rather date with atrocious circumstances. (That can be seen as sexist.)

There is plenty of fat-shaming, misogyny, white people saying the N-word and some seriously dodgy storylines about date rape and drug use.

But, it does take a pretty accurate jab at an overtly white culture that indulges itself in excess, elitism and racism.

This actually made white people upset, and they have even said this should be treated at the same degree of blackface.

Overall, this is a 'kind of' problematic movie...


Overboard: I Liked This Movie When I Was Younger, I Never Realized How Weird It Actually Was!

This was a movie I absolutely loved as a younger child for some reason. It was funny, and I related to Goldie Hawn's character in the film, who dealt with a gaggle of more-than-a-little rambunctious boys. (I grew up around only brothers, being the only daughter in our household, it was a lot sometimes.) Maybe I liked seeing somebody understand growing up and being around a bunch of crazy boys that get into trouble constantly, raid the kitchen, and just mess up the house.

Well anyway, this story follows an heiress named Joanne (Goldie Hawn) who was travelling on a yacht with her husband Grant (Edward Hermann) on the Oregon coast. She hires a local carpenter, a widower named Dean (Kurt Russel) who has four sons. Long story short, Dean remodels Joanne's closet, but Joanne didn't specify the wood, and got really upset that the wood wasn't *checks notes* cedar. (I hate it when that happens, don't you? 😔🙄 -sarcasm-)

Well there was a whole kerfuffle between Joanne and Dean, since she wouldn't pay him for the work he's already done. Dean calls her shellfish (Ocean pun) and Joanne throws his tools in the water.

They say karma is a you know what and Joanne ends up falling overboard off of her yacht, into the waters of the frigid Pacific Northwest one night after searching for her ring. She ends up on the news, and she has ✨amnesia.✨

She doesn't remember a thing about who she is and is taken to the local hospital. Her husband knows that she was there but decided against retrieving his wife. He lied, saying that Joanne left him, and spent his time with younger women and parties, like Hugh Heffner.

After seeing her story on the news, Dean seeks revenge by encouraging Joanne to work off her unpaid bill. He goes to the hospital and tells her that she is his wife Annie and the mother of his four sons. She reluctantly goes home with him and is appalled by his residence.

(There was a situation with a 'strawberry shaped birthmark on her butt' that basically enabled him to take her home...?)

Over this time, Joanne (Annie) bonds with Dean's demons- (I mean children!) and Dean falls in love with Joanne, and vice versa. They make plans to open up a golf course together, and in this time, she becomes more down-to-earth. Four months pass by (Four darn months and nobody questions it?!) and Joanne's mother learns the truth that Joanne didn't leave Grant and threatens to hunt him down. Hastily, he stops his playboy dream and goes to retrieve his wife.

He goes to Dean's house, finds her, and with a miracle, Joanne gets her memory restored.

Obviously like any person would be, she was upset about her practically being a subject of Stockholm syndrome and goes back to her lavish life. She then has an epiphany, realizing that being rich is boring and that she was a terrible human before. She apologizes to her staff for the bratty way she acted, and high tailed it back to Oregon. She went back with Dean and his children *Ahem...demons* and they lived happily ever after!

It doesn't make sense, but the filmmakers made it seem quite sweet as it ended. Would any of you have gone back? I don't mean to sound rude, but I would stay being rich. Dump the cheating husband, and lived as an old, rich woman. The guy practically kidnapped her, how do you even...? But the funny thing about this movie, is that it was actually remade, it was kind of overlooked so it wasn't much of a buzz, but whatever.

Never mind... Let us persist.


The Pest: I Thought It Was Very Funny, But It Would Be Dissected Like a Frog Today...

I'm telling you right now, I liked this movie. It's not a cinematic masterpiece like The Godfather but it's an easy watch if you just want a laugh. Granted, it may be a bit offensive by today's standards, its rather racist and somewhat homophobic, but it's an easy watch. The story follows a Puerto Rican con artist named Pestario 'Pest' Vargas. Pest works as a delivery boy at Mr. Cheung's Chinese restaurant in Miami.

But he seems to make most of his money from scams. He owes the Scottish mob $50,000, and the leader of said mob wants to exact revenge on Pest, so that their organization may finally be feared.

Pest, along with his friends Ninja and Chubby, perform a scam at a festival. While there, Pest promises his girlfriend Xantha Kent he will have dinner with her and her parents.

And there is also a racist human hunter named Gustav who wants to hunt 'warriors' of every nationality, catching 'em all like Pokémon. (🤷‍♀️) This guy was going for an athlete, but one of his servants made a mistake, thinking that Gustav wants to hunt Pest.

The servant brings Pest to him, Gustav tricks Pest into allowing himself to be hunted...'but despite the warnings from Shank's weirdly effeminate son Himmel in regards to what he has gotten himself into, Pest decides to participate anyway, since he will get a $50,000 reward if he survives. As Pest is brought to Shank's private island, Pest is supplied with a tiny gun and runs off into the jungle.' (Wikipedia)

Pest convinces Himmel to 'run away with him' by using a boat. They are attacked be seagulls, and Pest uses this opportunity to escape.

Pest escapes, and goes to Florida, if I remember correctly. As it turns out, the mob is tracking him, and after a montage of hiding in a synagogue, as shown in the thumbnail,

he meets up with his girlfriend Xantha, and gives an introduction to her parents about who he is...and he does it in a pretty stereotypical way...

Gustav storms the place and ends up tranquilizing Xantha's whole family, herself, and one of his friends. After hiding out at a night club, Pest nearly dies because of a poisonous drink, but thanks to luck, plot armor, and a bit of seasickness, he vomited it all up. Pest has also revealed Gustav's crimes to the authorities. Gustav is dragged away by several police officers, while Pest, Chubby, Ninja, Himmel, and Xantha drive off with Gustav's money.

The end.

No one is left unscathed in this movie, and I guess that's part of what makes it good. We all can just laugh at each other, no hatred or malice intended, yeah, the stereotypes are a bit messed up, but that's part of why racist humor works.

Like most of these movies, it would never be able to be remade today.


I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: People's Reactions Are Mixed...

And for this last movie on the list we have I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. This movie is really funny. I liked it, some scenes were quite cringeworthy, but it was a funny watch. By today's standards though, if you aren't portraying anyone in an overly positive light, its offensive. Sometimes its true, other times its just cancel culture at its finest. This movie lies in between, honestly. Yeah, its offensive to the LGBTQ community, but it's also pretty funny. The story follows two firefighters named Chuck and Larry, Chuck a 'playboy' and Larry as a widower. 'During a sweep of a burned building, a segment of floor collapses on Chuck, but after Larry rescues him from the debris, Chuck vows to repay him however possible. Experiencing an epiphany from the incident, Larry tries to increase his life insurance policy but discovers that a lapse in the paperwork after his wife Paula's death a year earlier prevents him from naming his two children, Eric and Tori, as primary beneficiaries.' (Wikipedia)

So this is why they 'tie the knot.' They enter a civil union and boom. However, investigators arrive to inquire about their abrupt partnership, suspecting fraud, and so the duo decide to enlist the help of lawyer Alex McDonough, who suggests they have a formal wedding ceremony to prove their commitment. The pair travel to Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada for a quick same-sex marriage at a wedding chapel (Which features Rob Schneider in yellow-face),

and Chuck moves in with Larry and his children.

After a couple of antics like a costume party:

and several women testifying to sleeping with Chuck, the story begins to unravel and they get taken to court. Their fellow firefighters arrive in support, having realized all that the pair have done for them over the years. Fitzer interrogates both men, and eventually demands they kiss to prove that their relationship is physical. Before they do so, Captain Tucker arrives and exposes their marriage as a sham and both men as straight.

They plead guilty of fraud. The Captain says that the situation reminded people not to be judgmental, and then offers to be arrested as well, since he knew about the false relationship but failed to report it, which prompts the other firefighters to show solidarity by claiming a role in the wedding. The firefighters are quickly released from jail after negotiating a deal to provide photos for an AIDS research benefit calendar, provided that Chuck and Larry plead guilty to fraud, which would reduce the charges to a misdemeanor and allow the duo to keep their benefits.

The movie ends on a happy note with Larry moving on from his deceased wife, and Chuck getting to dance with their lawyer, Alex. The ending also features Lance Bass of NSYNC.

This movie contains a couple of things that make it homophobic like the use of the 'f' slur, commonly used with homosexual people. There is also the notion of their trash not being 'gay enough' when the inspector comes investigating. It's a movie with a lot of gay stereotypes, but it's mainly based on friendship and getting through hardship.


I've said it before, but I'll say it again, we have to let go sometimes. I didn't make this compilation to bash movies or call for cancel culture to run its course, it's a reflection of how times change. What was funny a couple of years ago isn't funny and its hurtful in today's standards.


I thank you all for reading today. I know it's been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize, but I won't completely cease posting, sometimes the inspiration flows, other times it's like ice. (All the writers who understand give a 'whoop whoop!' Just kidding!)


Once again, I hope you enjoyed your time reading this, and that you'll have a good day🏙️/night🌆!


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